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10 things myself (and my friends) find cringey af on Tinder


Ahh, yes, Tinder.

The place where several of my favourite couples met - and also the place that causes severe eyeroll. If you're on Tinder, you'll know what I'm speaking about. Whenever me and single friends meet up we normally end up on the topic of online dating - and we almost always start with any cringe-worthy bios we've seen recently (which may, or may not, involve screenshots).

While I would not claim to know how to pen the perfect Tinder bio (I'm sure there must be someone out there who has stumbled upon my profile and thought "who the fuck is this vegan hippy bisexual lefty bitch?") I definitely have noticed similarities between my friends' pet peeves and my own. So without further-ado, here is Morag's Guide to Not Being an Awkward Fuck on Tinder...

1. No bio
You would think it would be a no-brainer that a good Tinder profile needs some kind of bio. I am a fan of the written word and, as a marketer by trade, creating a bio was something I probably took more seriously than your average person.

If the written word doesn't get you as excited as me, a simple bullet point list will do. Common things people mention in their bio include their job, height, hobbies, and what they're looking for. Doesn't need to be an essay (but do run it through a spell checker), just enough to let them know something about you beyond your physical appearance.

2. The same joke everyone else has
"I want to leave the singles market before the UK does" was hilarious. The first time I read it, anyway. Having now seen it on 54,5464 profiles, I'm a bit done. Jokes are great and can show what type of humour you like, but choose something that hasn't been used 200 times before.

3. I can't tell what you look like
Contrary to popular opinion, I like group and hobby photos on a Tinder bio. It's visual proof that you're not a loner who sits at home watching paint dry. But if I cannot for the life of me work out which one you are, then I am gone. Same goes for selfies that are too posed or filtered (or a Snapchat lens).  My favourite kind of bio is a mix of photos that show you at your Instagram best but also your relaxed candid self (plus points for including a full body shot).

4. Passive aggressiveness
This one might be a bit rich coming from a girl who has written a blog post about her Tinder pet hates. But I hate seeing people bitch about other people's Tinder profile on their Tinder profile. It just makes me wonder how passive aggressive you must be in real life if you can't even get through a fucking Tinder bio without slagging off other people's Tinder profiles. Mate, I hate when people match and don't talk too, but I'm levelheaded enough not to whine about it in my bio.

5. "The kid isn't mine"
I know where you're were going with this one. You want to convince potential girlfriends that you're father material (which I am sure you are!) while also not scaring them away by thinking that you already have a child. But still....no. Just don't have a child in your profile full stop. If you are a dotting uncle/aunt, feel free to mention it in your bio - but don't let potential matches slip past because they accidentally thought your were a parent. As someone who doesn't want kids, I'm likely to swipe left immediately at the mere sight of a child.

6. Is that your ex girlfriend? 
Hetero boys, listen up! Girls have long cottoned on to that thing you do where you try to make yourself look more in demand than you actual are. Over it. We see a picture of you with your arm around another girl and will assume you're with her - and should probably not be on Tinder (unless you mention that you are polyamorous in your bio).

7. "In Glasgow for the weekend"
And you definitely need to have sex at some point this weekend? Do you not have a work conference you need to attend, or some sightseeing to do? If I see someone who is desperate for a hook-up on a weekend away, I make the assumption that they have a wife and kids back in home in Wolverhampton.

8. Acting too cool for Tinder
It's 2018 and online dating is mainstream. To be honest, it's now weirder to be single and not on Tinder. So stop pretending "your friends made me do this" or "we can pretend we met at the pub". I don't care, and neither should you.

9. "Ask me what you need to know" instead of a bio
I need something to go on before I decide to swipe right and talk to you. Only get so many right swipes a day after all.

10. You look like a serial killer (or a fake profile)
Dating can be scary af for women as it is, don't make it scarier.

Are you on Tinder? What are your pet hates? 

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